The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
A writing contest for the worst opening sentence you can come up with…
2014 Contest Winners » The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
These are, really, amazingly, awful. My favorites are the similes.
He was waiting for the call seated behind his desk, his right knee bouncing up and down like the piston of a one-cylinder steam engine – the kind old guys restore and stand proudly next to at the county fair hoping someone will stop and ask about it but they never do as the engine thumps and sputters in rhythm like an anxious guy seated behind his desk bouncing his knee up and down.
Also…
The air-conditioner hummed like an over-sized bear eating a large salmon he’d fished out of the water and if you’ve never heard an over-sized bear eating a salmon, just imagine an air-conditioner humming and you’ll know.
And finally, not a simile, just delightfully over-described…
Pine trees stretched as far as the eye could see, which wasn’t very far in Gerald’s case, since he was overdue for cataract surgery with the only ophthalmologist in town who still took Medicare patients, and their needles whispered gently in the breeze.